Too Damn Clever
by xgossamerstars
Summary: N/T. I don't own Metalocalypse, so don't sue me.


The water was warm, bubbly, and hellaciously frustrating as jets and waves caressed their skin, taunting them both into being less careful, less circumspect than perhaps they should have been.

Toki's moans grew louder and Nathan made no effort to shush him, so content was he to focus on the sensations of the water, the feel of Toki's slick ass cupped in his huge palms, the way his every thrust splashed beautiful drops along Toki's heaving chest, dappling his muscles with miniature diamonds. This was amazing, this was fantastic, and this was fucking i_hot./i_

Toki had had a hard time talking him into it at first—the hot tub was in the center of the main room, and they were much more likely to be caught there than they would anywhere else (not that Toki would mind if that happened…he was always after Nathan to go ahead and tell the rest of the band about them). It was such a fantasy of Toki's, though, and he reminded Nathan every chance he got that Nathan had promised to enact any fantasy the kid had. He wheedled and bribed and finally resorted to pouting, and Nathan had to give in. No one could resist Toki when he pouted…and besides, hot tub sex did sound pretty hot.

And now here they were, and neither of them had had any idea it could be this fantastic, this i_thrilling/i. _It had to have something to do with the threat of being caught, but that was hardly likely…it was nearing five o'clock in the morning, even Pickles would be passed out by now.

So Toki moaned, and Nathan growled, and just before they both let themselves fall over the edge, the light came on.

Unfortunately, at the exact moment that the light came on, Toki screamed Nathan's name so loudly that the yard wolves probably heard him.

"What the fucks goin' ahn…?" Pickles's voice was slurred, but shocked, and since Toki was still oblivious, his eyes closed as he came down from his orgasm, Nathan began snatching at straws.

"Uh, nothin," he said, and prayed Pickles was drunk enough to accept that and go back to bed.

"Wuzzat Toki I heard screamin? Fuck, that light's fuckin' bright…" he was squinting, blinded by the lights he had flipped on.

"Ja, it's was me, Pickle," Toki murmured, slightly beside himself.

Nathan could have cheerfully drowned him if he didn't love him so much.

"Ya all right? What the fuck are th' two of ya doin in there, anyways, killin' each other?"

"Uh…Toki had uh…uh, he had a…splinter. And we uh…got in the water to uh….see if we could get it out easier in the uh…in the water. Yeah." Nathan nodded his head fervently. Pickles was so drunk he would probably buy it.

"Splintser? I's don't gots a splintser, Nat'n…" Toki held up his fingers, pruny from being in the water so long, and examined them closely.

And as if that was enough for Nathan, he heard Skwisgaar's voice from the hall behind Pickles, asking hopefully:

"So dids Nat'n finally kills Toki? Is we gonna gets a rhythsm guitarsist whos actuallies worths a—oh."

The Swede's blue eyes widened a fraction of an inch when he saw Toki and Nathan in the hot tub together, shirtless and red-faced.

"Whats you do to Toki, Nat'n?" he asked, his eyes narrowing so slightly that the motion was lost on everyone but Nathan himself.

"He had a splinter," Nathan mumbled again. And looked up at the ceiling as if to ask, 'Why me?'

"I's don'ts be rememberins no splintser, Nat'n!" Toki complained loudly. "I's gettings hot, I wants to gets out—"

Nathan was horrified. Toki couldn't be i_that/i _dense…could he?

"I'm going back t' bed," Pickles yawned. He turned around to do so, but ran smack into Murderface, who had come downstairs after Skwisgaar in order to avoid being left out of the early-morning excitement.

He came in the doorway just in time to see Nathan lunge for Toki as the Norwegian unfolded his body from the hot tub. Nathan missed, but his bare ass was exposed for all to see, as well as the erection that hadn't had a chance to wilt thanks to the rolling jets of hot water and the proximity of Toki's naked body.

He missed Toki, and the naked Norwegian grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist. When Nathan looked up next, he saw that Pickles must have continued on down the hall after he ran into Murderface, Skwisgaar's flash of blond hair as he turned angrily around the corner, and Murderface's expression of pure horror.

"Sees you ins bed, Nat'n," Toki grinned, and Murderface's jaw dropped.

As Nathan looked after Toki, watching him step politely around the shocked bassist, he suddenly had the idea that Toki must have done this on purpose. He tried to be angry, and couldn't.

It was too damn clever, and hot tub sex was too damn amazing.


End file.
